


Cowhara but with less Sex and more Drama

by FrostieFroakie



Series: Monsterfucker Collection [5]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: BACK ON MY BULLSHIT, Cow/Human Hybrids, Crack Fic, Crack Treated Seriously, Emotional Manipulation, Kokichi is only to be trusted if you are Shuichi, M/M, The Author Regrets Nothing, and everything at the same time jshkkfjsd, but I wanted to torture you people by actually doing a sequel to the WORST thing i've ever written, cow!shuichi, farmer!Kokichi, i dont expect this to get as much infamy tho, mystery?, other then that you may wanna tread lightly, plz this is still not to be taken seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:08:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24201811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrostieFroakie/pseuds/FrostieFroakie
Summary: The cows are stressing and Shuichi is confused as to why that is. Kokichi is such a sweet handler, always making sure he's comfortable and happy.(And Oblivious)
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Series: Monsterfucker Collection [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1383685
Comments: 16
Kudos: 74





	Cowhara but with less Sex and more Drama

**Author's Note:**

> =)c
> 
> Quarantine really does things to ones psyche.
> 
> im kidding (sorta) I actually had part of this written up on discord since last year lmfao 
> 
> this is still a joke fic but I like to fish for reactions so pfhjtg
> 
> so yeah, this happened

The herd whispered among themselves nervously. Kokichi had led away 6 of the other male cows and no one has seen them since. Everyone knew the rancher favored Shuichi ever since he showed up but that group in particular tended to be… more hostile towards him for it so them going missing was... uncomfortable, to put it lightly... 

The barn door suddenly being shoved open made all the cows nearly jump out of their skin as they whipped their heads towards the door. Kokichi stood there with a smile... and a giant bloody butcher knife along with blood splattered overalls. They all immediately huddled up and made noises of distress. Oh dear  _ god! _ They've... never seen him like this........ 

"Oh good, you're all awake~" Kokichi grinned then waved the knife a bit, blood droplets flying through the air. "Don't worry, I'm not here to hurt any of you." 

He says as he waved around a giant knife while covered in cow blood. 

They all tensed and shrank under Kokichi's unblinking gaze. 

"I just wanted to let all my  _ precious cows _ know that I will not tolerate bullying of any kind u 3u" 

Oh.... 

"Geeeez~ taking apart 6 of you was quite tiring…” he sighed, rolling his shoulders then letting his face morph into, what the cows could only describe as, monstrous. “I'd  _ haaate _ to have to do it again~....." He giggled, eyes darkening. 

Loud, distressed noises filled the barn. 

"Be quiet, if any of you wake Shuichi I will not be happy~" 

And they immediately shut their maws. 

"Good bovines!~ So anyways just leave my beloved alone and we won't have any problems ok?~" 

Everyone nodded quickly, still too scared to make a sound. 

"Great! Good night my precious cows~" and with that, he closed the door to the barn and left all the cows alone in the darkness to really contemplate what just happened.....

\------------------

  
  


After Shuichi had his scare that morning, Kokichi kept him in his house, away from the barn and other cows for a few days. Through those few days, Kokichi pampered him as if he were the most precious creature on the planet. Actually, he did tell him that a few times.

“Shuichi, you’re the best cow ever! My most precious bovine, as long as you stay with me I don't need the others!”

“D-don’t say things like that Ko… The others are just as important as I am...” 

“Hmm, maybe! But you’re still my favorite~ <3”

Shuichi blushed deeply then leaned into Kokichi’s touch as he stroked his head and ran his thumbs over his small horns. “Th-that mentality is why 6 of the others ran away… I don't want anyone else getting lost…” Speaking of. “Did any of the other farmers nearby see them?” 

Surely  _ 6 cows _ couldn't have ran off without  _ anyone _ seeing them…?

“No. I contacted my neighbors and they said they haven’t seen them…”

Shuichi frowned. “...oh.”

Something definitely wasn’t right…

“Hey, I don’t like that frown.” Kokichi rubbed his ears, giggling a little as they wiggled, before wrapping his arms around him. “Just don’t~ think about it…” he cooed gently, staring into his eyes warmly. “I’m your handler, you can trust me remember?~”

Shuichi nodded slowly, a cute blush spreading on his face. “Of course… I… I trust you completely.”

Kokichi smiled.

“Good…”

\------------------

"Shuichi!....."

Shuichi's ears perked before he lifted his head lazily. He was grazing in the fields and just chewing on a piece of wheat when he heard his name whispered in an urgent and panicked voice. 

"Huh?..." 

The male cow stared down at him with pursed lips and a worried expression before looking around anxiously. "Shuichi we need to talk ok?... And this conversation does not leave this spot got it!?..." 

Shuichi sat up and yawned before rubbing at his eye. He was sleepy, he didn't get much rest the night before... His handler has been even more handy lately... "M'k... What's wrong?..." 

The cow hesitated then swallowed. "He's not as sweet as you think he is Shuichi, he's  _ dangerous. _ " 

“Huh?...”

“He can’t be trusted…!”

The young cow frowned then tilted his head as his tail curled into a question mark. "Who?" 

The cow opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by a sudden hand on his shoulder. He screamed/mooed in shock then lashed backward, but missed his target completely. 

"Woah! That was a close one...!" The cow gripped at his own chest and flattened his ears while Shuichi's tail wagged happily at seeing his beloved handler. 

"Hi Kokichi <3" 

"Hello my precious cows~" he cooed then hugged Shuichi's head before giving the other cow a knowing smile. "Why are you so jumpy there? Are you alright?" 

The cow tensed and started sweating nervously but managed to choke out, "I'm f-fine....... Just... tired... I’m.. I’m gonna go nap!" He yelled then ran away with his tail between his legs. 

Shuichi blinked twice. "?" 

"Oh... I guess the 6 running away has reeeeally made the others tense..... Maybe I should do something special for them...." 

"Ooh, what will you do?" 

"Don't know yet! Buuuut I'm sure I'll think of something~"

\---------------------------

“Y-you’re not gonna k-kill me are you….?”

Kokichi had that same cow from earlier alone in the milking barn, sitting on a stool as he gently brushed and pampered him a bit to get him ready for the milking machine. He raised an eyebrow before looking scandalized. “Whaaaaat? What would make you think I would do such a thing? =(“

The cow shifted and swallowed thickly. He  _ was  _ gonna die here wasn’t he?

Kokichi sighed, petting his head gently. “Look sweetie, we all know I’m not in the slaughtering business. I sell milk and other dairy products, not meat. Silly bovine.”

“B-but… the other night… you…”

“Hm? I what?” Kokichi placed both hands on the cow’s shoulder then leaned closer to his ear. “What did I do the other night?~”

He tensed up and let out a little noise of distress.

Kokichi snickered then continued to brush him. “Say what’s on your mind darling, I won’t stop you~ ♪”

“...You… killed those 6… didn’t you?” Their normally cheery and kind handler being covered in cow blood while holding a giant clever wasn’t an image he was gonna get out of his head anytime soon.

“Hmm…. Did i?”

What?

The cow blinked twice then looked up at Kokichi with confusion clearly written on his face. Kokichi stared at him with just as much confusion on his face before walking around and sitting on the cow’s lap. 

“You… you came to the barn!... With bloody overalls and a big knife and…!”

He was sure he didn’t dream that… No way, all of the cows saw him as well so it couldn’t have been a dream!

“And?....”

“And… you said if anyone bullied Shuichi you’d…”

Kokichi smiled and cupped his cheek, his thumb running on the hybrid’s lips. “Right~ And you haven’t done anything to harm Shuichi now have you?”

“N-no, I wouldn’t-!”

“Then no need to be so tense. My goodness, you’re being so dramatic, tsk =T”

“Ah… but…”

Kokichi giggling before swinging one leg over to straddle the slightly confused and slightly scared cow hybrid. “I’m not going to hurt you or anyone else for talking to him. You know why?~ =3c Because it doesn’t matter what you tell him~”

“Huh?...”

“I3c Trust is such a powerful thing… And I have all~ of Shuichi’s. He relies on me,  _ trusts _ me completely and unequivocally.” Kokichi grinned. “So you and the rest of the herd can tell him all~ the stories you want because guess what?~ ^ 3^ I’ll counter it flawlessly every time!” he said then squished the cow’s cheeks between his hands playfully. “And he  _ will  _ believe me.”

The cow folded his ears. “You… But… you’re lying to him!... He doesn’t like liars, you’ll just end up hurting him…!”

Kokichi hummed then let his face go and placed his hands on the cow’s chest, his face becoming scarily blank suddenly. “What I did was for Shuichi’s benefit….” The way he said it was as if he was also convincing himself of that… then he suddenly became much chipper looking. “He’s none the wiser. And that’s how it’ll stay! ^ v^” 

The poor hybrid was sweating lightly.

Oh… Oh boy.

“Now then~” he purred, massaging his chest and torso a bit to coerce the tension out of him. “Let’s get you all nice and relaxed and ready for milking shall we?~”

\------------------

Shuichi made his way through his handlers home slowly and quietly. It was the middle of the night and besides the fact that he was still kinda sore, he didn’t want to risk waking Kokichi up. Just getting out of his grasp was a challenge in of itself.

Everyone has been acting weird since those 6 disappeared, not just the other cows but Kokichi as well. The other cows were nervous and jumpy (though a few of them calmed down significantly after Kokichi took them to be milked) and the few he managed to talk to kept giving him vague warnings about Kokichi.

He was dangerous.

Something about him was off.

He’s changed.

Shuichi wasn’t sure what they were talking about, but he did agree on one thing. Something definitely was off about him. But he just couldn’t put his finger on it. So because he was both worried and infinitely curious, he decided he was going to explore his house a little. Maybe he’d find something that showed why Kokichi seemed to be  _ extra _ clingy to him lately? Him constantly calling him his favorite was one thing, but he was sure if Kokichi kept milking him as often as he did these past few days, he’d eventually just run out of milk for a while. Perhaps as long as a week.

He shook his head then carefully trotted through the kitchen… Honestly, he’s been pretty much everywhere in the house already so he wasn’t really sure where to start… Actually, no, there was one place in the house he’s never been to. The cow hybrid glanced at the door leading to the basement. Kokichi always kept that door locked… He never really thought about going down there though, there wasn’t any reason for him to  _ want _ to, but… right now it seemed like a good place to start. He walked over and wiggled the doorknob, finding it still locked. Hmm… Well the key was probably kept with the others in his dresser drawer…

Shuichi snuck back to his handler’s bedroom quietly, heading straight for his dresser before slowly pulling on the drawer that kept Kokichi’s random items. His handler was so strange, why did he have a rubber chicken in here? Well anyways, he fished out a keychain that held multiple keys on it before sneaking back out to the locked door in the kitchen. 

None of the keys were marked so he ended up having to try each and every one. He was on the 5th key when he heard a yawn from behind him and froze.

“What are you doing up so late darling?...” Kokichi asked as he walked up behind him and gave his butt a playful squeeze.

Shuichi squeaked and blushed a deep red, ears folding. “Ah… Uhm… I was…” 

“Hm?” Kokichi looked at the keys in his hand and snickered. “Oh, trying to break into the basement? If you wanted to go down there you could’ve just asked you know? =P” He took the keyring from Shuichi then picked out the appropriate key before unlocking the door. The moment he opened the door, a chilly wind blew past making Shuichi shiver.

“I keep all the milk, yogurt and ice cream I make in the cooler down there. Not much to really see but if you’re soooo curious you’d risk going behind my back to check it out, I don’t mind showing you around~” 

Shuichi could help the small stab of guilt he felt. “I’m sorry, I didn’t… I didn’t mean to sneak I just…” 

“Shh, I’m not mad or anything,” Kokichi stroked his head then took his hand and led him into the basement. “I know things have been tense around here lately. I’m working on having things back to the way they were. That would be nice right?”

“Yeah… The ones you pampered are calming down but the rest of them are still so jumpy...”

“Well, I am but one man~ I can only treat so many of them at once y’know? But don’t you worry your pretty head about it. I’ll get to them all eventually~ =)”

Shuichi nodded. “Ok.”

\----------------------

“We know what we saw that night Shuichi!”

“There’s no evidence anywhere that he killed them… I mean, he has some chicken in his fridge but that’s nothing new… He even took me to the fridge and freezer in his basement and there was nothing in there but buckets of milk, ice cream and frozen yogurt. I checked through all of them. He even let me eat some afterwards..... <3”

“Shuichi.... He’s lying to you! Why can't you see that! He could easily have just gotten rid of all the evidence y’know, it’s been almost 2 weeks!”

“He… he wouldn’t lie to me... He promised!... Besides, while that may be true, he’s also kept me in his house a lot around the time they disappeared. How would he have been able to hide all the evidence of _6_ slaughtered cows without me noticing?”

“...”

A sigh. “I think we should just move on from this. It's just causing unnecessary stress to all of us. I just hope wherever they ended up, they’re at least happy now…”

\-----------------------

“Didn’t I tell you not to call me again? I’m not in the slaughtering business.” 

... 

“Well I’m glad the slabs I gave you sold so well but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna be chopping up any of my other cows just because you asked. I just happened to have enough of those bulls in particulars.”

…

“Eh, they were just aggravating me. I have plenty of patience, but I do have one particular line that they dared crossed multiple times. And because I snapped for that  _ one _ moment, I now have to work overtime to gain the rest of my cow’s trust again. It’s not that hard mind you, they are  _ cows  _ after all, but it is annoying.”

…

“I think I made enough of an impression on their subconscious that they won’t piss me off again… But if it does come to me having to unearth the cleaver once again, of course i’ll let you know. I may enjoy an occasional hamburger, but I have a reputation to uphold.”

…

“Please, you think I give a shit what  _ they _ have to say? Nah, I’m talking about my favorite bovine of course! He’s so sweet and tender-hearted… If he ever found out, he’d be devastated. Soooo~ I can’t let that happen. Losing his trust would be the worst thing to ever happen to me.”

…

“Nishishi~.... What I do with my livestock is really none of your business now is it?~...”

…

“Shut up and listen very carefully to what I’m about to tell you. You got your money and I got mine. So as long as you stay in your lane, I will stay in mine. Do not fucking call me. If I need your services,  _ I _ will call  _ you _ . Understand?” 

…

“Good... Now then, you have yourself a good day!~ I have to go and feed my beloved bovines! One of them is due for his afternoon milking…~ Teehee~”

**Author's Note:**

> -sipping tea- 
> 
> And then they lived Happily ever after!~ 
> 
> THE END =D


End file.
